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To put to death in accordance with a plan or design

When there is evidence of interminable suffering, hopelessness and the failure to cure, when the medical bills are piling up causing more suffering, when the question of why continues to grow, the intelligent part of me wants to say, “yes, of course I agree with assisted suicide” or euthanasia.

My emotional and moral sides fight with my intelligence. Compassion may confuse morality to rid the suffering, to rid the burden.

These issues are not for us to decide. All things, good and bad, happen for a reason. Many times the reasons are not evident. Often, the emphasis is on the pain and suffering and not the obscure reasons why the patient is left to barely live this way. Does every dark cloud have a silver lining? Is the silver lining worth persevering the dark cloud? Is it in our jurisdiction to decide one’s worth because we have the capacity to do so? There are too many unanswered questions.

I am a Catholic, a registered nurse, and a mother of four sons. In all of these capacities I have made mistakes, misjudged situations, thought something was right when others thought it wrong and thought wrongly of others righteousness. I am human. As we ALL are. Are any of us experts in execution? Maybe the surgeon general, or the President of the United States or the Prime Minister, the neighborhood midwife or the dedicated hospice nurse. What shapes our opinions and concerns? What makes something right for one situation is wrong in another similar situation.

This is one of those situations in life when how we feel doesn’t override what we should do. It is the issue of right and wrong.

I know of a mother caring for her comatose son in a small house with limited help. She has seen her son grow up this way from teenager to young adult. He has been in this capacity for almost 20 years. What good is this doing anyone? Are they both not suffering? Not according to the mother. Her completeness in life is caring for her son. What lessons come from this? How many prayers has it stirred? Who looks to this woman and is positively affected by her lifestyle? Who would have thought with enough convincing that this man-child should be put out of his misery? The patient arrived in his comatose state by his own hand. He hung himself. He wanted to die. Members of the community are stirred to find the reasons why, to analyze the agony he felt. Many are prompted to think of him, the disease depression and his mother’s faith because he is still here and the whole situation is still very evident. There are two sides to every situation. Sometimes, one side is overshadowed by another.

I know of many situations where infant and toddler children are kept alive with ventilators and tube feedings. An array of medical personal routinely go in and out of the houses to assist in caring for these children. These are long financially and emotionally draining years. I certainly wouldn’t want any of my children to live this way. One family lives on minimal wage pay, state assistance and constant emotional stress. What has this done for this family? Are they brought together? Are they torn apart? Do the rely on recreational drugs to numb there pain? Or do they find joy in a simple smile from their suffering child. I had a big problem today. It was that my kitchen sink was stopped up again. Who is more pathetic here? How can these children be made to suffer like this and their parents and siblings made to observe it in every detail? Modern medicine has advanced enough to keep very sick patients alive, their body systems operating in distinct imperfect separateness. Medicine has come so far. Now, we want to do away with what we cannot perfect. Now, we want to decide whose suffering is too much suffering. Now, we want to analyze whose choice to die is relevant and necessary.

I am equally distraught when witnessing overly heroic measures. When patients are medically scrutinized without their integrity in mind. I am an advocate for quality of life. Quality over quantity is better to me. But is it for me decide just how much unspecial time anyone should be forced to endure? Is it our right to act as some superior guidance? Dr. Kervorkian is a seemingly empathetic patient advocate. He has given many people relief. But what is relief? An escape from lessons to be learned?..